Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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