i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
