I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
