Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
