I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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