So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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