dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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