Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
