Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
