I want to stick my p in your. b.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
