I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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