I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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