I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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