I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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