Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
