found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
