i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
