My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
