It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
