maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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