Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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