mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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