Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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