What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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