I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
