the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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