arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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