I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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