I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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