i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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