He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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