1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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