woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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