I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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