I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
