if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
