I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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