she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
