Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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