listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
