Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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