Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
