His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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