i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
