I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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