i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
