I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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