you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am naked and annoyed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
