This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize