the day after is always just damage control
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
