She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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