She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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