some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
