so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
