We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
