If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
