just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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