so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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