Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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