my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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