at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
