just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
