I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
