Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't notice because vodka
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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