just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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