No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize