u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
