So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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