It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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